ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
