Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
