There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
