Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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