Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
