your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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