pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
