My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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