I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
