somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
