I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do herpes really smell.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
