Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
