I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
