I can tuck mytits in my pants
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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