I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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