I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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