i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
