Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
