If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
