I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
