THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
