I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
