I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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