I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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