We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
