she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
