I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
