i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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