i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
