My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
