look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
