At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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