I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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