oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
