I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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