"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
