I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
