so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
