i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
