WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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