you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
