when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
