I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
