I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
