Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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