The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
