I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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