playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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