I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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