Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
